Graduation Speech - satirical

Winona’s Graduation Speech

Good evening everybody and a warm thank you to all of my daughter’s friends and family who have joined us tonight in celebrating Winona’s graduation from the Hard Knocks High-School of Mediocrity.

Standing here looking at my daughter’s glowing young face, I am reminded of the day of her birth. I had beamed with pride, knowing that I had just created someone who had the potential to become something great. She could have grown up to be the Prime Minister, professional athlete or some type of doctor. But those of you who know Winona very closely, are quite aware that she did not meet, or even scratch the surface of any of those expectations.

So no, an extraordinary person has not graduated into the real world today. And though Winona might not be gifted in athletics, academia, or creative thinking, her selflessness and ability to make others feel good about themselves are qualities that make me proud to be called her mother.

Winona has always been considerate of those around her. She only did as much as necessary, never joining any after school clubs or teams such as the school band, dance or any type of sport. This meant that she never bothered her hard-working single mom to support her at measly school events. And she also saved me a bundle of money, as you know, clubs and teams can get pretty expensive. She was also selfless among her schoolmates, never achieving more than B. This ultimately meant that she never gained any academic awards, but instead left plenty for her schoolmates to receive. Winona has never failed; she just never excelled at anything, which means that she never overshadowed her younger siblings. Usually, younger siblings are scared that they would not live up to the expectations set by their older brother or sister. But Winona was kind enough to spare her siblings this burden, by always making sure to set low expectations. These standards were never ones of failure, but of a degree that the average person could reach.

This has caused her siblings to be more confident and outgoing individuals. They know that their performances in dance recitals and on the soccer field will never disappoint me as I am already use to Winona's low standards.

Winona not achieving greatness has also made me a more bearable person to be around. I always see the annoyed looks in people's’ eyes when I brag about the accomplishments of my two younger children. Winona's mediocrity gives me one less person to annoy those around me about.

So no, I may not have an extraordinary daughter, but instead one selfless enough to let others succeed instead of herself.

I may not have an extraordinary daughter, but instead one that brings out the best in those around her.

I may not have an extraordinary daughter, but instead one who never lived up my expectations, making my life easier and less stressful.

Winona is no longer the new-born that I had high hopes for, but an adult whose mediocrity has made me proud. So I ask you all to raise your glass as we honour this average young-lady. Because like Winona’s father said before dying due to an injury in the line of duty as a firefighter, “Don’t be extraordinary, look at where it gets you.”